I have an obssessive compulsive habit of putting things back to where they belong but don't form any ideas of me being a neat sorta person. It's comforting to know you can always find things where they are cos they will always be there but as usual, people come in to mess it up.
"and we don't know just where our bones will rest, to dust I guess, forgotten and absorbed to the earth below"
Do you remember the time when Tower Records still existed at Pacific Plaza many light years ago (when we were still in junior college)? I saw you in a totally fuckedup retro blue long sleeve shirt browsing at the CD shelves (at the U-Z section I think). The moment I saw you upon entering the store I ran away cos i knew there was nothing to say after the years of awkward silence. Everytime I get real drunk, I wanna call you up and tell you I things I know the aftermath I'll kill myself for but thank goodness it remains a want.

I went to Sungei Rd to look for old manual typewriters cos I have been hooked onto those 70s model. I found a working Olivertti but the one I am looking for is Olympia. Saw a few non-working ones though. The Olivertti looked too new, i just can't stand it. And i don't like that old pork of a man trying to rip me off at a high price. Then just when things were going fine, Mr Canada had to behave like a complete dork despite gazillion warnings so I left him in a shop a walked off. Probably won't see him for some time.

Once upon a time, i went on MIRC cos i was lonely. now i prefer to type to myself on the Blog. not that i quit being lonely, i just realize people can't ever help u get that bitter taste from your mouth so u gotta swallow it. Nay, i'm lying. this is a weak soul pretending to me cool and zen-ny. how did you think i get stuck in this cage. i was stupid to think i can walk in and get out hah.

latest graphic novels read:
"Dumped" by andi watson (Oni Press)
"Paul has a summer job" by paul rabagilati (Drawn & Quarterly)
illlustrated stories of common people, memories, real life relationships both bitter and sweet. nothing larger than life, just the same size, same dilemmas, same fears, same tears. and why would i read funnies that remind me of how painful life it? not that these books are not super hilarious, but the artists made life bearable again. we are here watching our lives dramatized within the square frames and smiling. humanity seems even sweet though it still sucks.

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found the same old fears
Wish you were here
--Pink Floyd

Commitment phobia made me quit my relationship with ex boyfriend. i saw him again yesterday in town and that kinda hurts. so, so you think you can tell heaven from hell, blue skies from pain. Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage.

the next destination will be Northern Thailand and Indochina. Heard from a friend who just returned from Cambodia that the country is out of this world. Poverty is widespread, virtually no development, people out to rip you off but the country has made him think a lot about life. Laos and Vietnam supposedly have less reports of tourists getting conned but still, the amount they ask is still affordable. What does it feel like to go to a place that speaks little or no English? How does it feel to be totally lonely in a part of the planet with little communication to the rest of the world? What is it that I am looking for?
All those photos of places of the rest of the wonderful world in my Sec 4 Geography textbook were the reason I gave myself to stay alive. that was my first clueless crush on existentialism and it slowly developed into an internalization of it. --Lingo the Neanderthal abandoned the mundane pursue of excellence to embark on the quest to find some sorta meaning though its creator knew already there is nothing in the end.--

"space is in the head"
so said the big guy from Singapore Institute of Architecture.
There is no place in this world for you, dude. Go live inside your damn head! I stay home in me head when i get tired of walking around behaving like a dummy. We gotta live in our heads cos the society is too packed????? is that why so many people commit suicide? is that why so many bodies flung themselves off the HDB flats? it's raining human flesh. can someone help to explain this phenomenon?

"In almost every country, manner of suicide is a reflection of whatever is most readily at hand, he said.
In the United States, guns are the most common method.
In the urban jungle of Singapore, jumping from a skyscraper is the favourite method."
(article by Geoffrey York, taken from globeandmail.com, Friday, November 29, 2002 – Page A22)

can someone tell me where did the ducks go in winter time.

Mathematical Love ----- Andrew Marvel
As lines, so loves oblique may well
Themselves in every angle greet:
But ours so truly parallel
Though infinite can never meet.

found this while i looked through the backup files. this is written by some crazed out mathematician. i've been listening to Hail To The Thief so much that it started skipping in my player. The album is so narcotic that i can't stop gyrating my head--totally trippy. what can i say? confused, paranoid,useless anger directed at a senseless world, yet forever staying home where 2 and 2 makes 5. 1984 is a really cool book to quote and you know u hit it right with pseudo-intellectuals whether it makes sense or not. it's a manic hormonal unbalanced homicidal scream for ICECREAM!! (i hit backspace all the way till this point cos i had enough with my own shit)

WOW! i found some comics released on Free Comic Days in Serene Centre. Though i had to pay around a dollar for each copy (shipping charges as the boss claimed) i still feel i've been blessed by almighty. thought i can only find them if i had the luck to pick up an air ticket to US or Canada, and still i'll need a time machine. ( check this out -- http://www.freecomicbookday.com/ ) 3rd May is declared free comic book day (FCBD) so all you cheapskates out there, get ready for it in 2004!!!!!

Bought another of radiohead's 'special edition' album, the latest that is. packaging will be the only reason to buy CDs in the near future. Why bother when u can get it off p2p servers? it is a means to an end. who would thought the socialist sharing of mp3 would lead to greater materialism? Fact is that material is the only thing that connects us to the world. money.......i need money........i wanna be connected with the world!!!!

I managed to record the sounds of train rumbling past the railway tracks at Bt Panjang yesterday. I waited for an hour amidst the lalang growing along the tracks, staring at ants and butterflies. Felt like I was finally in a world of my own. I believed the people living in a wooden house along the tracks are Malaysians and they have corn growing in front of it. My old home in Bt Panjang must have looked like that 20 years ago. Lalang...lalang.....lalang.....a field of lalang.......all I ever wanna be is to be ........ Catcher of the lalang????????????????

i opened my door and saw a half bitten moth struggling on the floor then it stopped. Someone told me a moth carries the soul of a dead person that one knows. It comes back to visit. This one died upon seeing me. I guess my face freaked it to death.

I am listening to lennon's album, maybe that's him............nevermind. i'm crazy.

Amen. the past days of manic depression fortunately is due to pre menstrual anomalies. Now the blood is flowing, my mood has swung back to the not so depressed mode. Teaching kids is depressing but I'm too sluggish to send resumes and go interviews for now. I try not to think about tomorrow or I'll go crazy. lalalalala i just discovered that i can actually use headphones as mic on the md player to record sounds!!!! Eureka! I have found a new meaning in life!