HELP! I need somebody. HELP! Not just anybody. HELP!
all the little friends I have, i need help badly. i can't get out of my little corner of the world. (before i forget, Thanks to Terence for helping me get that 40% staff discount though we barely knew each other well. though i still have no idea wat he wants for the interview).
I have to apologise to Biddy for dragging her to have high tea (i wish i can get high on tea) with David. I know this is not her cup of tea. stupid puns that can't be steamed.
now back to HELP! i need someone to kick my ass. i'm not achieving anything, i can't locate an iota of will in my body, i cant find the desire for life. something inside i can't pull out.

Arghhh, I'm racking my head for things to contribute to 10foot lalang but nothing comes. Reality comes in too quick for me to capture the essence.
Check out my latest pictures anyway
http://www.geocities.com/princesswt5/Butoh.html

The same night I had a grotesque dream.
Perhaps I was in the Other World cos it was total darkness. There were many trees. I was running away. I was in a car driving in urgency and there was a man sitting beside me in the backseat. He might be a monk cos of his shaven head. He crouched with his back facing me and I hugged him tight from behind. That's when he turned his head back slowly and told me it was the first time he was touched by a woman. Suddenly, the car stopped and obscure figures dragged us into this factory--the slaughterhouse. Everyone was strapped to anvils, males on one side of the factory, female on the other. All the women seemed to be bleeding from their vaginas. I saw the man I hugged being dragged to one anvil and he started swelling and then transforming into an egg-shaped mass like Humpty Dumpty before exploding into a mess of gore. He was the first.

Dance of darkness:Radiohead:DeathHound
After the Butoh performance, I trudged towards the direction of S11 along Stamford Road in the rain. Sipping a cup of coffee warmed the freezing cold of death my body could not leave behind from the end of the show. Suddenly the snarling guitar sounds that kickstarted Paranoid Android woke me up. Radiohead in S11? That's so bizarre! Things were getting more and more unreal. Could it be i'm really in another dimension...the other side...overlapping the one that used to be real? I proceeded home in the rain. A hound dog was waiting at the top of the flight of stairs leading down to my block. It stood there motionless in the rain, and I could feel its gaze upon me. I hid behind a wall and shut my eyes. It was gone when i turned back.

My very first time performing naked (expect for that loincloth in between my legs)......totally exhilarating. Got to see tonnes of boobs in the female dressing room, and well, some girls are bigger than others. We are supposed to feel like a newborn baby but i really doubt we amateurs from the Butoh workshop has yet to see past the social construct of nakedness. But i really love that Kabuki white cream we put all over our body. It's damn gothic!
I was talking to this participant who worked with Zai Kuning before about my nerves (actually it's more of my monologue) and how appearing naked is like being naked emotionally and how this is semiotic of exposing one's true self in this world blah blah blah. It's really harder to be emotionally naked then throwing off the clothes esp for ppl with almost no emotions and can't be bothered to find them. I do feel as if i'm in my own nest finally without anything on, almost a relief.